I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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