I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
