Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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