Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize