Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
