I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
