So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
