ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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