Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
