Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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