sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
