His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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