Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
