He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
