the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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