Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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