so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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