of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
