I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
