HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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