New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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