Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
nutella sex= disaster
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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