Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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