I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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