Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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