I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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