I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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