Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
