My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had to cum in my sink.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
