i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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