lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
