dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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