If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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