He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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