I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
