it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
