your parents love me but you hate me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
