This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
