this beer tastes like vomit already
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
