gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
