my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
