So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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