Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry about my life...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
