it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
