Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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