She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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