shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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