hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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