thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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