P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
