fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
two words...techno handjob
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
