Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
