DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
