I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
