he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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