you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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