I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
