"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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