Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
