these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
