idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
