Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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