god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
