Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
