I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
