So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
