I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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