It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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