Tell her she can't have a vagina
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
