I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
