I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
