Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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