I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
