He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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