So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
