smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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